is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
