Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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