we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
