If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
