he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
