drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
