So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
