i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
