There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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