Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
