Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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