whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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