Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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