i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
