My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
pray to the hookup gods
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
