Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think my fart just growled at me.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
