She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
