Tell her she can't have a vagina
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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