There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Someone came in the potted fern
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
