i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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