I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
