My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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