I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
