I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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