i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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