I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
