I've blown a few things in my day
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
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we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
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you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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