none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
