i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
