He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
