doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
