i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
