Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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