Your dad touched me again.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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