my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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