Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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