I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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