curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
