my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
