Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
