He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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