Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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