i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
