WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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