He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
