tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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