THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
