Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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