ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
