I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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