You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
