It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
