I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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