so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
