I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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