Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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