dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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