I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
