UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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