in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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