so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
