i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
