he told me I talked like a deaf person
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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