So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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