you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
