Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
