I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
