i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize