i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
No subtext here. People are naked.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
