Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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