saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up