I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize