how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.