Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?