My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
