From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
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