Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
