yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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