remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it's great music for shaving your balls
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
