I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
