Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he thought i was a dude.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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