whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
