i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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